A day in the life...

A day in the life. A glimpse into our Friday.

5:30 a.m. G wakes up. I wake up. G leaves for a 12 hour shift. I get up to get ready for the day. Hear Caris waking up. She's ready to eat. Nurse Caris. Put Caris back down in hopes she will get another hour of sleep in. It's 6:45. Get dressed. Pack remainder of items for trip to amarillo this evening. Wash bottles. Make bottles. Pack Caris' things for school. Feed dog. Dress baby. Play with happy Caris. So cute. Load up car. Load up caris. Drive to Caris' school. Unpack baby gear. Transition caris to new environment. Drop off little one. Try to suppress maternal guilt and tears.

It's 8:30. I'm late. Head to work. Various work tasks ensue. Busy. Reminded that I need to head to working mothers room. Do so. Wait in line, lots of working mommies. Get 3 pages in the meantime. Head to meeting that lasts 45 minutes longer than expected. See patients. Remember I need to eat. Another not so subtle reminder to head to working mothers room. It's 2:00. Get 5 more referrals. Rush to get things done. Remember to print put boarding passes. Head back to floor. See many patients. Rush to leave at 5:00.

Eagerly head over to see my girl. She's the only baby left and is finally sleeping. Suppress maternal guilt again. Less successfully. Pack up baby gear. Take my sleepy girl to car. Drive home.Unload our multitude of bags needed for the day. Pray baby remains asleep. She doesn't. Play with demanding dog. Finish packing. Poor sweet baby does not want to be put down. Carry caris everwhere. Do necessary load of laundry because, well, lots of things smell like poop.Nurse hungry baby. Decide she needs a bath after a long school day. Bathe baby. Dress self and caris.

Load up car. Load up baby.It's only 7:00 pm. Drive to county hospital. Pick up G. Father/ daughter bonding. Drive to airport. Unload bags. Say a prayer of thanks that Garrett was able to drop us off and I'm not having to do this onto a shuttle. Put caris in her moby sling. Say another prayer of thanks for the moby sling. Say goodbye to G. Proceed through security. Grab gross airport fast food because I'm starving. Traverse across terminal to gate. Am greeted by a FULL gate of people due to a day of thunderstorm delays. Pray my flight isn't one of them. Find secluded corner and keep caris close to minimize exposure to what has to be tons of germs. Little one sleeps. And sleeps.

Convinced they are lying when they say we are not delayed. Flight delayed 20 minutes. But still okay. Try to eat gross food. It's gross. Stand and rock because we all know little one doesn't like to sit. Stand and rock more. And some more. It's 9:00 pm. No flight crew. Delayed some more. Rock some more. Pray she stays asleep and can hold off eating until we board. Delayed until 11:45. Caris sleeps away in her sling.

Board plane. Finally. First time flier next to me doesn't quite fit in het seat. Wedge self into position. Hope caris sleeps. She does. Arrive in Amarillo. It's 2:30 a.m. I still haven't slept. Get bags. Load up car. Drive to hotel. Exhausted. Pray for some sleep tonight. Prayer answered. And thus ends a day in the life of a working mom and her baby.

I apologize if you are actually still reading this. I wrote to distract myself while waiting in the airport...

An answer to an age old question...

Warning: Do not proceed if you find discussion of medical issues disturbing.


I feel as if 'Friends' episodes are very applicable to our daily lives. This particular situation is no exception. For your viewing pleasure and a humorous glimpse into my otherwise unpleasant and unusual medical issues, click on the link below (I can't figure out how to embed a you tube video, sorry.)


So, which one was I this weekend? Phoebe or Joey?

Side note: Don't you just love Friends? I watched several seasons while I was home this summer and was reminded just how great it was. Although I found myself relating too many situations back to the episodes. Minor side effect.

Okay, back to the topic at hand.


Let me give you a hint. Phoebe and I had much in common about 3 months ago. Joey and I had much in common 2 days ago.


I have heard the question posed in the past - which is the more painful of the two medical predicaments? Many times men use this comparison when arguing for the equality of pain experience.


I have experienced what Joey went through several times (including the week before my wedding) and although I have only shared Phoebe's experience once (with no pain medicine until the last 20 minutes, I might add) I think I can answer this question quite accurately, unfortunately. Especially since they have occurred in close proximity to one another. I also had a 'Joey' issue when I was 37 weeks pregnant. That was really fun.


So here is my answer. Yes, I am definitely going with childbirth as the more painful option. The pain is much, much more intense. But this weekend's little expereince definately did resemble that pain..... Although with labor you do get intermittent breaks (even though they are only like 30 seconds long).......there is also the issues of recovery that is MUCH more painful. At least with labor you get to take home a sweet little newborn :)


Sorry, gentleman. I am going to go ahead and conclude that you cannot experience the same pain as women do. At least in this department.


Of course this is only my humble opinion.

a week in pictures... ( iphone style..)

HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It has been a busy, exhausting, and wonderful week in the B household.

G has been busy at work and on-call, I have been busy at work and home (and exhausted), and we have had fun-filled evenings with JJ and Susie visiting.

My mom has been keeping Caris for us this week and has sent me hourly pics of their day, so here we go!

Congratulations!!! is in order for our good friends Matt and Kelley who welcomed their handsome little man, Brooks Matthew, into the world. We are thrilled for the new family and can't wait to introduce Caris to Brooks!

Seeing such a teeny little baby brought back all the sweet memories of a newborn Caris. As chaotic and sleep deprived as those first few days were, I miss them. We have a big girl on our hands these days, full of personality. I can't believe how much she has grown! Hard to believe our little one who was 5lbs 8oz when we got her home now weighs 14lbs 7oz!! And no telling how long she is now... (she had grown 5 inches at the 2 month mark!)

Our 'big woman' (SYTYCD anyone?) had her official 3 month birthday on Monday.... and I have yet to put up a post to mark the occasion. With all the activity in our household, her photo shoot is still pending. Hopefully I can get it done before her 4 month!

She celebrated the 3 month mark with a daddy/daughter day. G had the day off so he kept Caris for the day. These two were up to no good I'm sure! I can already tell I am going to have my hands full with this paring in years to come. There is not telling what they will do. Between their inquisitive nature and G's initiative, when Caris suggests she wants a playhouse, it will probably be designed, built, and furnished, by weeks end......complete with many other fulfillments of a little girl's whimsy.

(Pic on right of G & little C's adventure. Daddy dressed me so cute....)

This week also marked my second of working and it has been a bit rough. For some reason my sweet little sleeper who was sleeping until about 5 or 6 decided she would revert back to first month of life and was waking up at 11, 1, 4, and 7! And not only was she waking up, but she stayed up.... It was completely exhausting and it was all I could do just to make it through the work day semi-functioning. I am happy to say she is back on track and last night slept until 5! An answered prayer, let me tell you.

I will say that now that Caris occupies my evenings, the week goes by so much faster. But I have never looked forward to 5:00 (which looks more like 4:30 these days...) or to Fridays more in my life. I absolutely cannot wait to get home ans spend time with my little one. In the same line, I also really look forward to waking up in the mornings (even if it is at 4:00 a.m.) because sweet little Caris is so happy and no matter how tired I am, I love every second of it.

And thus ends our week review. Courtesy of our iphones.

On a lighter note...

I realize my last few posts have been a bit emotionally intense and quite lengthy. Welcome to my thought process as of late...

So I will shift to the other aspect of my thoughts: Scattered and Random.

First, CONGRATS to GARRETT for passing yet another set of boards!!!! Wooohooo! And for doing so in a manner that allowed him to spend time with his new little girl and her needy momma. Between Dental school and Medical school, that guy has seen his fair share of board exams; we are glad to have another out of the way.

According to her onesie, Caris says teeth are overrated. I think Garrett's profession would disagree. The picture is of Caris at her first trip to the dentist (she did not actually see the dentist, just went with her parents).

Second, a glimpse into Caris' new favorite activity. As mentioned previously, Caris continues her love of music. We typically have nightly family jam sessions and she has even begun to 'dance' a little by mimicking our movements. She also loves looking at the bright colors and lights on our new computer screen. Enter favorite activity: a combo of music and lights. I guess there is an option to select like a screen saver that comes up when you play music; it's a light that moves with the beat to the music and changes colors. Very bright colors against a black background. Caris follows the light around so intently! It's actually pretty amazing to watch. She is tracking great and is able to keep up with the fast movement of the light. So lights + movement + music = a happy Caris. It is pretty cute. I tried to get a video, we shall see if it works. (click on the link)

Third, I have so many activities and photos of things we have done this summer that I can't keep things updated. I'll try harder. Or interdisperse them at random.

And ending with a recent picture of Caris. She loves swimming!

giving a 'shout out' to my pops for passing those BOARDS!!

Adaptation

Well, I made it through Day One back at work.

My emotions were plentiful.

In some ways, I was excited to be back at my job; to see my co-workers, be back in the hospital, and to feel contributory/mildly productive.

In most ways, I missed my baby girl.

The transition is rough, as to be expected. I hear it gets easier with time and I do believe that. But I missed our daytime together, and I think I always will. Missed teaching her, reading to her, listening to music, taking walks outside, and seeing her sweet face all day. I missed being home, in our little world, living life on our terms. That is hard, and I think always will be.

However, I have to be honest and say that it wasn't as bad as I expected. I was definitely teary several times yesterday (and already again today) but it didn't elevate to the point where I felt depressed. Which I had feared it might. The actual act of leaving Caris was alright; I didn't break down. Which I had feared I might.

But I did miss her. Which I knew I would.

I think yesterday was actually easier than today. I have been almost solely responsible for Caris' daily care for the past 90 days and it was kind of nice to have someone else take on that role for a little bit. Caris is a very active, spirited little one and she truly keeps me busy almost all day long at home. I kind of needed a day away to get things done! Yesterday Caris woke up at 4:00 a.m and I fed her so I was able to feed her again at 7:00 before I left for work. She is so happy and smiley and giggly in the mornings and I was able to experience that for a good bit before I had to leave. Garrett also got home early so he and Caris picked me up a little early from work and I was able to get home and nurse her.

We are so lucky to have Grammy Jane helping out this week and that definitely makes the transition so much easier. I know she is in great hands and I don't have to worry about anything. She also comes to our house so I don't have to getCaris ready and packed up for day care yet. My mom is also going to help keep Caris until her day care starts August 1st, so that will help me ease into this new daily routine. I am truly so excited that Caris will get to spend some one-on-one time with her Grandmas. She has the two best grandmas in the world and is such a lucky little lady!

All those things helped. I felt like I got to spend a good amount of time with her overall and I have been with her so much that it felt alright

So yesterday kind of felt like a temporary break. All in all, yesterday was okay.

Today it is sinking in that this arrangement has more permanence. I already feel the distance and I fear it will only get worse. Today Caris slept until 5:45 (which is great news in the sleep department) but I wasn't able to nurse her again before I left and I put her back to sleep so I didn't get to spend much time with her this morning. I can already sense that doing this 5 days a week will be rough. I am preoccupied with thoughts of Caris and concerns over what I should do. I miss her. And it is hard to think I will be away from her this long every day.

But we are adapting. As with all stages, phases, changes in life, it will take time. But as we have realized with previous life changes, we will make it work. And I am hopeful it will work well. And although at times I don't know how I will manage working full-time, caring for an infant, keeping up my house, being a wife, and being me, I know I will adapt. We will function and find a way to thrive. Garrett has demonstrated this in his ability to continue living life post-call and in working 36 hours at a time. We have seen that however busy or tiring life gets, you adapt. Life is still fullfilling and enjoyable.

I am soaking up every second we are together as a family and loving that it is quality time. I know that it is important for me to remain joyful in our current circumstances. Dwelling on the negative is not enjoyable and interferes on the times we do have together. I am grateful that we are able to provide Caris with a loving home. I am thankful for the support of our families. I am glad that I do have a job in a time when many do not.

I feel true joy the second I see my sweet girl's little face. All the fears, frustration, sadness disappears. So I will pray for a continued joyful heart. It is easy to maintain when we have been given so much. What a blessing Caris is to us and that brings me true joy.

And we will adapt to our new world.

On mothering

Recently my thoughts have been focused on my role as a mother surrounding the imposition of my upcoming transition. I have settled into my role as a temporary stay-at-home mom quite nicely and my return to work is a bit daunting.

Before Caris' arrival I was unsure as to how I might feel in this role and in my skills to fulfill it successfully. But the moment I arrived home with our little girl, I felt such an assured sense of purpose. Mothering became the most instinctual, purposeful, and fulfilling role I have ever undertaken. Looking back, I believe this feeling actually occurred early on in my pregnancy and was heightened and placed into reality when Caris was born. It quite surprised me, actually, to feel so at peace at what I was doing and so certain of my role. What a true blessing, to be a mother to a child.

My new role is evidenced on my bedside table that now holds bedtime books, pacifiers, burp clothes, and a baby monitor. There is olfactory proof as my perfume is usually overpowered by the potent combination of sweet baby smell, spit-up, milk, and diapers. I rarely appear without my little one in tow and diaper bag in hand and when I happen to be without my girl, it is usually clear that I had little time to put effort into getting myself ready. The thing that has amazed me is how effortlessly these changes have made their way into my life. I have experienced first hand how putting your child first becomes something you do every minute of every day; without conscious thought or second glance.

What is even more amazing is I see it demonstrated still in my own mother and mother-in-law as they continue to put the needs of their now adult children first. I never fully understood how many little ways this occurs, and I am sure I will continue to learn what this means as we continue on our journey (especially when the teenage years come about). But it spans from ensuring your daughters have everything they need to get ready while forgetting to do your own hair to driving in the middle of the night to be with her child at the hospital to loving them when they make big mistakes and sharing in their joy although you can't be with them. It is staying up later and waking up earlier than everyone else to make sure your home is a happy one. It is waking up every two hours to provide comfort, patiently nursing your two week old for the 14th time that day, comforting her tears when neither of you know the source, and crying for hours at the thought of having to be away from all of that for 9 hours of the day.

And it is knowing that my role of mother will always be close to my heart, no matter where I am.

I have loved every second of our time together the past 12 weeks. It has been a sacred time, one that I am so grateful I had the opportunity to experience. And although it will be hard for me to be away and I will miss seeing her sweet face, I know, that again, it is part of mothering, in putting her needs before mine. It is preparing her to be independent, to experience more than I can offer her, and to provide for her needs financially. It is not always easy, this new role. To know what is best, to know what is good. Sometimes what is best is stepping behind when you really want to step forward. It is doing the behind the scenes work, the dirty work, so that others can experience the joy and doing so with a joyful heart. I am so thankful for the examples I have to follow; two selfless woman who would truly give anything for their children and the love of a Savior who displayed the ultimate meaning of sacrifice for his children. I am continuing to seek the best way for my work world and mother world to meld and will do so earnestly. I hope that when I find the answer, I have the courage to fulfill it.

And along the way I will cherish the times I spend with Caris and seek to learn my new role the best that I can. I will partner with the one my daughter knows as Father and together we will embark on the journey of parenthood. And I will take comfort in and give thanks for the fact that Mother is something that I will now and forever be.

2 months

It's hard to believe that Caris is 2 1/2 months old!! She is getting to be such a big girl. She looks like a completely different baby now. At last check-up she had doubled her weight and grown 5 inches!! So she is a growing girl for sure. My days left at home with her are coming to a close and I will miss spending our days together and watching her grow and learn. Each day, week, month, has gone by sooo fast.

Sweet Caris currently loves bath/shower time and would stay there for hours if we let her (she hates getting out!) She also loves to eat, as evidenced by her growth :) She is smiling a lot more and gives us a cute squeal along with her little smirk. She is holding her head up really well and will sit up with assistance pretty well. She also rolls over to her side and demonstrated it for her doctor at check-up. Right now she likes to sit in her boppy and is getting used to her bumbo seat. She LOVES reading books and looking at her art cards. Caris is also quite the talker, constantly making noises and conversing with her audience. so far in her second month, Caris has traveled to Dallas, Gonzales, and Albany. She participated in her first race, took her first swim, and her first country walk. Busy girl!

I am looking forward to watching her little personality start to emerge. We continue to work on nap time and are trying to help her little tummy, but overall Caris is transitioning to this stage quite nicely.

pics from our two month photo shoot

4 years!!

Today marked our 4th year of marriage. It was quite a fitting day, really. I had to go to the dentist and Garrett was on-call; that seems to sum up our lives quite nicely I think. G being on -call for our anniversary has kind of become a tradition 'round these parts. His very first day taking call as an intern was our 2nd anniversary and the tradition continued for the subsequent celebrations. These year seems especially special as we are able to celebrate with our sweet little girl. Hard to believe 4 years ago at about this time we were enjoying the last moments of our amazing wedding day. What a special day to look back on. I am so thankful for our marriage; it is a partnership I am proud to be in and truly surpasses what I expected when I became a young new wife. So much has changed and our journey has taken a few different turns than I anticipated, but I am glad to be traveling on it with my best friend who supports, encourages, enlightens, and makes me laugh (and laughs at me) every step of the way.

where it all began....the proposal....

engagement pic

our first anniversary

I can't wait to see where the next 4 years takes us! Just think, Garrett will finally be done with all his school/residency/etc. in this span of time. I am so thankful for all we have experienced and proud to celebrate this day as ours.

Father's Day/Week

Caris with her Dad

Caris is blessed with an amazing father and two amazing grandfathers. We were so excited to celebrate father's day with our newest father....Daddy G......that we took two weekends to celebrate! We began our celebrations with a trip to see Garrett's extended family in Gonzales last weekend and were able to celebrate three fathers: Garrett, his dad, and his Pop.

(Caris' hat and socks say I Love Daddy)

We returned to Houston to have our own celebration with Garrett; Caris was so excited to give him her gift :) We were lucky enough to complete the actual Father's Day by seeing my dad on his weekly trip to Houston.

We hit the jackpot with father's this year! We extended our celebration to this past weekend with a trip to Albany to attend my mom's 5k (more on that later) and celebrate father's day with the whole family. What a special year for us to add a new father and two new grandfathers

to this Day.

First swim at Aunt Mary's on Fathers Day - checking out Dad

Last night...

Caris slept here.

From about 9:30 until 5:30. It was amazing!!!

(and no, this is not how I let her sleep. this is a picture of her first nap in her crib. she sleeps in her sleepsack at night)

We usually put Caris to bed in her crib then I move her to her bassinet in our room when I go to bed at 12 or so. I quasi-hope that she will wake up for a 'dreamfeed' then and go back down, but that rarely happens and the times I've woken her up to do it she woke up more during the night (I think because her body thinks she is still on a 3 hour schedule? I don't know, I just make theories up alot.)

Anyways, we went to bed and I mentioned the idea of leaving her in her crib and Garrett convinced me that our 'big girl' could do it since she is now officially 2 months old. So I gave it a shot and it worked! I was nervous I wouldn't hear her on the monitor because we keep her music on at night, but I guess I did...I'm just not sure how quickly I did :)

Since Caris was on her A-game last night after bedtime, I was able to spend some time in the evening getting things done, visit with my parents on fathers day, and spend some quality time with the new father. I was also able to spend a little time on myself - I pumped a little milk to add to the stash I am saving up and soaked my terribly calloused feet and worked hard to get them to resemble normal heels. Actually, looking back, both 'me time' activities were quite painful. But necessary and productive, so I'll take it. It's pretty amazing how my productivity level has increased in small increments; when you have so little time to get things done, you get things done when you can. Caris is quite the handful during the day so as I alluded previously, I am so behind on my house, thank you cards, and life in general. So when I have a productive hour, it feels amazing. I am hopeful her next stage of babyhood will let me at least do a few more things during the day to keep our house together. Maybe I am disillusioned but she is already improving in her ability to entertain herself and take something that at least resembles a nap from time to time. Today she entertained herself on her boppy for like 20 minutes and went in her swing for 20 minutes! That's 40 minutes were my hands were free. Baby steps.