To Do

Right now, I am sitting at work thinking of all the things I need and want to do. But that I am not doing.

I have a life-long bad habit. Of wanting to do things. But never doing.

In our current state of affairs, I can blame it on being busy. Because that is true.

But what is also true is that if things were different and I were a bit less busy, I would find myself wasting time and never actually completing the things I wish I did.

There is the constant big-ticket have-to-do list that lingers over my guilty conscience undone. But what currently bothers is the even smaller things I wish I could 'check-off'.

My current wish list includes: make photo books (on my to-do list for both Caris' first and second birthday), do one of those blog-to-book things, frame some of our favorites, write letters and cards to many a folks, organize our family photos, clean out closets and nooks and crannies (p.s. what are crannies??), put up the pile of clothes waiting for me in our bedroom, plant flowers, swim lessons for Caris, and various other agenda items. Really, simple items that I find slipping by constantly undone.

My intentions seem simple enough, and then so quickly, a year passes and I have yet to enroll in the class we wanted to take, or see the play we promised we would go to, or go to the fun place we always say we should go to. Somehow related to this is the fact that I also found Christmas books and Easter books this year still out that I swear I was just telling myself to put away.

So I sit here, or sit there, letting another hour pass by. And then look back realizing what I should have done with that hour I wasted. I blame it on this fact or that and let the simple things be pushed to the side. And I guess hoping that somehow by writing the fact will somehow make it go away. Or magically get done.

A New Face

As meaningful follow-up to my previous post, and also perhaps a reason behind my blogging infrequency and negligence of significant matters...

It's time to introduce our newest face!

Our sweet baby BOY due to arrive September 13th. We are overjoyed to be expecting a new addition to our little family and excited for what is in store for our growing group.

Right now, I am almost 23 weeks along and enjoying the benefits of the second trimester. Belly still small enough not to be completely uncomfortable but big enough to 'show' off, feeling the baby move, preparing for his arrival, and feeling pretty well overall! It's been a very, very full past 4 months and things have been a little crazy (crazy good, but still crazy!) but we've made it past the halfway point and are excited to shake things up with a boy at the house!

This pregnancy has been quite different from my previous in many ways. I was (am?) much more fatigued, particularly during the first trimester when coupled with a few other little medical hiccups. With Caris, I was nauseous almost constantly but never 'sick' and with this little one, I felt much better overall, but when the nausea hit, was definitely 'sick'. From early on, we could tell from ultrasounds and finding the heart rate that this little guy is already much more active than his sister, who we used to bribe with sugary treats for in-utero peeks and is still our lounging/snuggling queen. The weight gain/belly growth I think has also been different. I have been able to fit in my clothes much longer this time around, but I think I 'showed' baby sooner. It seems to be going by MUCH quicker, chasing a two-year old and working and managing the house speeds the process along! I feel a lot less anxiety about what to prepare and each nuance of pregnancy. It's been nice! Fun to see how different things can be from the get go.

And of course, the big gender reveal! We love finding out the gender and were both very excited to see what we had in store this time. I honestly had a feeling it was a boy because I just felt so different, but at the same time, with all the girls in my family I felt that surely it was a girl! We kind of lucked out because one of our good friends was on a rotation that gave her access to an ultrasound machine. So, we got an early few peeks on a few nights she was on-call. It was kind of fun, sneaking up through the hospital with Garrett, late at night, Caris at home with a sitter, and spending time alone with our new little one. The first try, Garrett left VERY convinced it was a boy (and Garrett isn't easily convinced of these types of things). The second peek was just me and my friend, and at that point, we were both convinced.

Blue it was! Our 20 week sonogram confirmed our early peeks and now we are into all things boy! I think since we are inundated with all things girly, pink, and purple with Caris, we are wanting VERY boy type things. Blue, green, animals!! So fun.

We think Caris is excited to be a big sister. She seems to get it. Largely in part of the fact that my sister just went through the process and Caris LOVES baby Annabelle. Although for awhile, when we would talk about the baby in Mommy's belly, she would point to it and say 'Baby Anbelle?' Now she calls it 'Mommy's baby. Baby brother'. She is sweet and cute already about the baby. We took her with us to the 20 week ultrasound and she loved seeing the baby on the big screen. A few weeks later, we were watching TV and a commercial with a sonogram picture came up and she said 'Look! Mommy's baby is on TV!' I got such a kick out of that.

We can't wait to meet our new little BOY!! It's such a joy to see how our family is emerging and what that looks like for us as we build our little life. It's been I'm sure I will be more than ready come September after spending a summer in Houston pregnant....

What a sweet blessing this little guy is already. Now if we can just agree on a name....

A Mother's Day

As the day entitled 'Mothers' made it's presence known in well-wishes, marketing, and celebration, I couldn't help but reflect on what mothering means to me and what being a mother truly is. Yes, the reflection was in the setting of a highly hormonal, tired, and alone momma, so it was definitely swayed towards the sappy. Advanced apologies if you attempt to read...

Primarily, I was honestly overwhelmed with the sense of thankfulness. So many people make it possible for me to be a mother. I truly couldn't do it alone. We have such a network of support that surrounds us, making it possible to be in this stage of life and to enjoy motherhood. We are attempting to balance two careers along with the financial commitments of school and residency. Truly, couldn't do it alone.

We have Grandmothers who are willingly available to help out in school closures and work commitments and who never visit empty handed, helping with holidays and birthdays and every-days, and who care for Caris the way only grandma's can. Grandfathers who support us and have a special bond with lil C. Sisters/in-laws (Aunties) who love Caris like their own and are the best gift-givers, helping with babysitting and stepping in where mom needs help (primarily in keeping Caris fancy and her hair fixed). Uncles always up for fun with lil C and willing to offer an extra set of carrying arms when Daddy's aren't available. Friends walking through this stage with me, sharing mom advice and trials and planning escapes when needed. Teachers who truly love our girl and make her day great. And of course, husband/father/friend, walking beside my crazy mommy analysis, picking up pieces where needed, and actualizing our family dreams. These people are the reason I am even able to celebrate a Mother's day. Without them, I truly could not be a mother.

And then there was reflection on the Mother's Day. My third, hard to believe. The first spent in the blissful delirium of a two-week old baby. A day I remember vividly; rocking my sweet girl in the warmth of the sun in my newly gifted Adirondack rocker, savoring the newness of motherhood. The second spent with a joyful one-year old and a happy husband, lots of family, and a fancy dinner. Thrilled at what the past year of mothering brought.

This year I found to be most poignant in it's own way. A day planned to be low-key, with my girl, being her mommy. I was home alone with a two-year old in fine two-year old form. Starting off our day with promise, reading books snuggled in bed. Then quickly followed by a breakdown surrounding blackberries. And it was a kind of downhill from there. We had moments of pure mothering joy; dancing silly to loud music in the kitchen, cooking together, and snuggles on the couch. But my girl was in her own mood and mind, and the day was dictated by fits and resistance as the driving force. I spent my day 23-weeks pregnant, managing a toddler's moods, cleaning after a week gone, cooking, and preparing for house changes. We had peanut butter sandwhiches for lunch and macaroni for dinner. I faced my insecurities on gravity of parenting a strong-willed two-year old and the thought of having two littles. It was mothering. And very fitting.

I thought about my own mother, who spent her weekend driving across Texas to help her girls. Who spent a week taking care of Caris while I was gone and did chore after chore and gave gift after gift. Only to spend her Mother's Day home alone with her girls away. I thought about how mothering, at its essence, is self-sacrificing. And how that has been given and demonstrated to me throughout my life. We don't even realize growing up how much our own mother's gave us because they have given so much from day one that it embodies who they are and defines our relationship.

I thought about how beautiful the gift of self-sacrifice truly is. What a precious blessing to be given a mother's heart. Truly, something that can only be explained by a loving offering from our Creator. How a mother can have a day filled with tantrums, or teenage attitude, or newborn sleeplessness and savor each moment and cry at the thought of having to go to work the next day. How the tiny moments of silly smiles, sweet dances, little kisses, and funny quips override the moments of hitting, crying, and demanding. I am so thankful for the provision of a mother's heart.

The gift of a mother's heart is precious and I feel lately challenged to manage it responsibly. Taken in the wrong direction, context, and without guidance of God, sacrifice can turn into something unrecognizable. To nurture the gift of self-sacrifice with joy, selflessness, and love. To be pure in it's virtue and honest in the delivery. And to remain thankful that each day is a Mother's Day.

The Second Year

We've arrived at year two. I want to remember Caris at this sweet age; it's such an enjoyable stage of life. The last several months have brought such growth and development. We have been constantly amazed at each little shift as our toddler takes on the appearance and attitude of a little girl.

Mainly, it's the talking that makes us feel our toddler is more big girl. We have conversations with our little one, such a natural progression that I'm not so sure when they began. I love (as I've said in the past) watching the nuances of language develop. Caris uses pronouns correctly, uses plurals and correct tenses, descriptors and directions, and so many other language details that surprise me daily. She tells us her likes and dislikes clearly and is quick to tell us just what she wants :) I love hearing her sweet voice. I don't get too many phone calls from Caris (as I'm usually the one facilitating the calls) and was shocked on a recent phone call at just how grown up my girl sounded.



She is girlie, our little one. Although still not sure of the origins, we are embracing. All things pink, purple, frilly, colorful, and accessorized. She LOVES fixing her hair and feeling pretty. Braids, rollers, bows, ponies, and 'two ponies' all favorite requests. She opines on her daily wardrobe choice, prefers dresses and sparkly shoes, and oohs with excitement upon receiving new clothes. I'm a little out of my league in this area, but luckily we have a good team of girls for back up :)

Caris loves books and has begun to participate in one of my favorite little one activities by reading along with the reader. She anticipates the next page and reads along as we go. Sometimes she reads alone, telling the story from her own unique perspective. I love that she knows her books. She would read for hours on end if she had the option :)

My lil C seems to embrace learning. She picked up on her Alphabet letters quite easily and can now identify the majority of her letters, even the 'Mommy/Daddy letters and baby letters'. She loves to sing 'Now I know My ABC'. She counts to 14 for some strange reason, but half of the time 8-10 is ocho-diez. I think we had a Little Pim confusion in that learning process....

Caris loves to sing songs. She knows a few favorites and sings her sweet little heart out. Her favorite song to sing, which she literally will sing and dance around to for an hour goes something like this 'Homily, Homily. Homily, Homily'. We have no idea what this song is. If it's real, made-up, or modified. I inquired as to what 'homily' was and was answered with a sassy dance. So who knows. She does love to dance indeed. Adding versions of skills such as 'arabesques, curtsies, and pirouettes' courtesy of Angelina Ballerina. Dancing with the Stars if an absolute favorite. And little one recently dance for three hours straight at a party. Girl loves some music.



Right now, Caris loves animals, babies, princess Rapunzel, dolls, and playing house with small figures. She is in the midst of imagination and pretend. Forks and spoons have been know to 'Go to sleep' under napkins at dinner and she happily shows her animals new things and adventures.


I love watching the complexities of her personality emerge. She is full of both complexities and personality, this little one. She has a sensitive and sweet heart. Offering sympathies and running to the aid when she hears someone crying. She loves to be close to her mommy and has a need for down time and mommy time. She is loving to her sweet baby cousin and initiates kind acts of giving. She was so thankful for each of her gifts and her friends and gave hugs to all. With this sensitive heart comes sensitive emotions and Caris is not shy in expressing how she feels. Caris knows what she wants and is quite assertive. She is a little 'boss' at school (and home) and is comfortable directing others and leading the way. She is talkative and expressive and colorful. She is stubborn, independent, strong-willed, and opinionated. Loving, silly, sweet, and sassy. I love seeing how the intricacies of her personality form.

She is constantly inquisitive. Our conversations are filled with 'Why Mommy? But why Mommy? Why (continued until I can no longer answer....) What happened to....(insert innumerable subjects) ... Mommy?? Where is (anyone)??? Where did (anyone) go??'


We have tried to capture our 'classic Caris' moments in video form to remember this special time. From her funny habit of 'cheers-ing' anything from water to cheese, to her cutie smile, bossing Max around, and happily singing, I want to remember it all. Caris, you are precious to us and I am so grateful to share in the joy of who you are. I can't wait to see what the next year has in store!

Birthday Girl - 2Birthday Girl - 1 Birthday Girl - 0

Two

Happy Birthday to my sweet girl!!! Celebrating two has been fun. And turning two has been exciting for our lil' C.

I assume because of the recent abundance of birthdays in her classroom the previous few months, Caris has been very attune to the celebrations of birthdays recently. She associates candles, cakes, and crowns with birthday celebration and routinely asked upon seeing said items, 'Happy birthday to me??'

I tried to educate Caris that her birth-date was April 20th and that (at the time) was in two months. She easily got down that she was turning two and when inquired by others, would answer 'I'm TWO' so I would follow by 'on April 20th' 'next month' 'two months' whatever the qualifier.

Apparently that morphed into something that appears to be 'Two Minutes'. And thus the video explanation.

We have been looking forward to celebrating our girl this week. And celebrate we are doing. We've had special events, friend events, morning birthday surprise, school events, traditions, favorites, challenges, tantrums, adventures, and gifts and soon to be family events. I hope to recount soon :) But safe to say our Caris has felt special and loved this week. She gets it.

We spent the birthday together as a family. Celebrating and reminiscing two years of a precious life. It was a sweet day (although quite eventful) and we were grateful for a special time together with our girl.

I am forever thankful for this little life introduced to us two years ago. My sweet Caris brings so much joy and enriches our lives. We are honored to be her parents. I think it's the best thing we have ever done :)

Happy birthday to my beautiful, spirited, loving, funny little girl!!! We love you and are overjoyed to celebrate your life.

(pictures and updates to follow! and a special update from my sister :)

Tasks

My lil C loves tasks. In this (and SOO many other ways) she is JUST like her Daddy. I have said for awhile now that Caris and her Poppa G will most definitely bond over task related activities. And will stubbornly clash heads in many other areas....(SO alike, I tell you, these two).

I've watched this prediction become truth. Caris loves a task with her Daddy and her Daddy loves a task, so it works out well. Caris loves to cook alongside Mommy or Daddy and help with little tasks. Especially if she's allowed to 'Sit on the Counner? I want to sit on the counner and cook'.

But she really loves working outside with Daddy. These two have spent many evenings and weekends working on various yard projects.The most consistent being a 'shovel dirt and remove from path' task.

Garrett equips Caris with her own little shovel, gloves, and bucket and off they go. Caris happily working alongside her daddy for long stretches of time. Shoveling dirt, placing it in the wheelbarrow, proudly completing her work.

So, the past few weeks, when I have arrived at Caris' school, I have found Caris working away in the play-yard. Happily shoveling wood chips and carefully carrying them to a little wheelbarrow. Apparently, she does this for long stretches of time. Daily. Her teacher said that over years of being in the classroom, Caris is the first child she has seen actually use the shovel to load the wood chips.

I found it hilarious. And fitting.

Missing the bus

My girl loves buses. She loves the song, the idea, spotting buses, and riding. I think it may legitimately be her favorite thing right now. The picture above is her face upon riding a 'bus'.

We play a little game on our daily commute. A game developed by Caris herself. Spot the bus. She has baby bus (Taxi cabs) and mommy buses (the mini school bus) and the coveted prize of finding a daddy bus (the BIG bus). Yellow bus are fun. And then there are the 'city buses'. With the baby, mommy, and daddy categories established as well.

We spend our morning searching for buses. 'Two buses, Mommy I see TWO buses!' That's what we call jackpot. And each sighting is promptly followed by 'I need more buses!'. Her excitements level is kind of off the charts with each bus sighting.

We have had a few prized opportunities to ride buses on recent occasions to various events. THE highlight of the adventure. Not the event we paid good money to attend, but the bus ride to the event....She cried when she left the bus and begged for it to return. And she STILL talks about riding the bus over two months ago...

Girl loves bus.

And so we play the bus game and sing the bus song on our commute. Easy entertainment. And it seems I've grown attached, accustomed to this tradition.

March came and went with strange occurrences. Regular pick-up and drop-off were interrupted by spring break, vacation, daddy-time and family time. Our commute was deferred.

And I missed the bus.

I found myself spotting buses on my way to and from work. Wanting to talk to show them to my girl, who I knew would be thrilled with excitement. But I had no smiling face greeting me with enthusiasm. No toddler searching for 'More Bus?'

The last few weeks, we have welcomed back regular programming in full force. With Garrett working nights and 16 hour days, it's just Caris and I back in our commuting saddle. It's been a challenging past weeks.

But when I feel myself getting frustrated and complaining about the annoyances of traffic and length of time in the car, I'm reminded.

By a sweet, excited, smiling girl proclaiming happily, 'I see a bus!! Mommy, I see two buses! There is a mommy bus! And a city bus! A baby bus!'

I'm reminded. Of where simple joys can be found. And as much as I wish Caris could go back to her easy schedule, I'm thankful for the times we have finding buses together. So I'll take these moments. And remember. Life is a little sweeter when we look for the bus :)

Blog Interrupted

A little 'technical' intermission and explanation. I've had issues. Mainly, blog and Internet issues. Boring, but true. Felt I owed my blog a little explanation for my neglect :) Between my blog disappearing, email being scammed, Internet down at home, computer and office switch at work, and apparently compatibility issues with my Mac Air and uploading pictures, this poor blog hasn't stood a chance. But we are here. And have missed some great moments. I feel like this little blog is kind of like any other relationship; the longer you are away, the easier it is to make excuses for. But then you realize how much you miss this little project. And the inspiration and creativity is allows. Hopefully we will be back to regularly scheduled programming with a few new additions soon.... Not so much that I think our 5 family members who read this are really all that sad for the interlude, but at least it's a little project I can accomplish :)

Discipline

Disciplining an almost-two-year old is fun.

I seriously almost just left this post with only the above sentence. Because I'm pretty sure I don't have to elaborate on that much. Anyone who has, had, or been around a two-year old knows that they can be a challenge. Independence, Opinions, Abilities, Frustrations, Wants, Needs, Mine all collide into a mess of frustrations. Called being two.

In all honestly, Caris is a pretty good little toddler. Hilarious, always, which certainly keeps things joyful. And I am thankful for a few things that have worked in our favor. She is very verbal, which has REALLY helped work through frustrations. She follows directions well (thanks to school) and loves to be a helper, so I kind of know how to refocus. She is not overly physically active, either, which makes it easier to keep things corralled. And she went through an independent-my-way streak a little earlier, so we've worked through some of that. Those things help.

But still. Discipline is fun.

Too be honest, I have always been very nervous about my ability to discipline. A little too tender-hearted, a little too over-analytical, I felt I would very much struggle in this area. And truthfully, I have no idea really what I'm doing. I know there are tons of theories, books etc. out there and I have done my share of reading. But what I am learning is much like what I learned in the infant stage.

It kind of comes naturally. You can read, analyze, research, and worry to death. But what I have found, is if I give myself some time and really listen to Caris and watch how our personalities interact, we can end up with a much more workable solution. That most of the time, end up looking quite similar to one of the never-ending researched theories. I found this to be the case in nursing, feeding, developmental stages, sleeping, all sorts of things I worried myself too much over.

In the end, doing what is best for my daughter and our family works out just fine. It takes time, no doubt. And it takes doubt, for a time. But you find your way. Together.

I get lots of opinions, ideas, and advice. My degrees were in related fields. I know the knowledge is there. But what works best? My instincts. I truly never really felt I would have the 'Motherly' demeanor. But it's there. And I am learning to try to trust it.

That being said, disciplining a two year old is fun.

Particularly when you know the reason they are acting up is because of fatigue (that I've contributed too) or valid source of excitement or varied other explainable reasons.

But we are entering a stage where our discipline looks much more structured. And I am becoming much more cognizant of how to enforce. And with all that being said about finding our way and what works best for you, I'd love to hear what works for others. Ideas to add to the toolbox
never hurt :)

Right now, here's a little of what we are doing: We do a lot of 'serious talks, look at Mommy's eyes', showing appropriate uses of hands, telling mad feelings to walk away, persistently focusing on a solution until an 'I'm sorry' or remedy is utilized. I've started to try do some 'take aways' and rewards, mainly in the form of books. That isn't working great. Does it just take time? I could probably go on, but I'm finding kind of hard to extrapolate implementation into words :)

Disciplining a two year old is fun.

The overarching thing I've come to realize, is that with lots of love and lots of patience, technique is kind of secondary. My most successful forms of discipline come when I am PATIENT and don't let my emotions get in the way. And I let LOVE dominate the interaction. Truly, I think those two things are the most important and successful way to discipline. I am hoping if I focus on those truths, the little techniques will fall into place.

But really, would love to get some feedback from those who have been there and are doing that :)

Por que?

Caris has entered a 'Why?' stage as of late. Meaning, every provided answer she follows up with an inquisitive 'But why Mommy?'

Por ejemplo - 'But why are there no oranges in the car Mommy?' 'Because the oranges are at home in the refrigerator' 'Oh. Why Mommy?' 'Because oranges have to stay cold and it isn't cold in the car.' 'Oh'

And so on and so forth.

'Why' finds itself pleasantly inquired throughout the day. It's pretty funny. And I've found myself really starting to have to think. Really? Why is that cat sitting on the car? Not so sure.

And why Por Que?

A current favortive Caris item is her Little Pim videos in Spanish. Garrett got these for C as her Christmas gift. And although we were both teased for our nerdy presents (thank goodness for fun aunties and uncles and baby loving grandmas) Caris seriously loves these videos. She asks for them on par with the amount of times she inquires for 'George' videos and 'Toy Story'. Plus she loves the Pim doll.

We've loved them too, subsequently. And they have become our car-to favorite. Caris loves them and they seem to really work. C loves saying 'Adios! Hasta Pronto!', Pim's signature statement.

So the pre-emption for the orange/why conversation has a direct correlation to Little Pim. In the midst of a Pim video, I hear Caris begin asking for something. Becoming more persistant. VERY persistant. But I can't quite figure out what it is she is asking for.

Finally, I realize she is making an attempt at saying 'Naranja'
Oh, you want Oranges! Yes, Orange!
Which is currently on Caris' top food list, she goes through 3 a day. Goodness. I should have known.

Needless to say, I may want to brush up on my Espanol.

I wonder how long until she starts in with Por que??